Myself
Jake Moyers
Jason Wang
Matt Kleiner
Mike Starr
Chris McClelland
Andrew Katz
Tyler Barnes
and last but certainly not least, Sarah McCree
We were ready. A lot of times we all come up with great ideas and never actually pursue doing them, but this time was different. We all got hyped up and got a camp site at Salt Fork State Park and made that shit go down. We all had a mental countdown for when we were going to be leaving. Friday morning came and I was awake like it was Christmas morning, I felt like I was five years old again. I texted everyone I was picking up before I jumped in the shower. Chris was the first to respond and ready to go. I got him, went to the bank, grabbed Wang, grabbed Matt, and then Jake. We just had to wait for Tyler to bring Sarah and Katz to bring Mike.
My group was so hype we worked up an appetite and due to our obvious punctuality we had time to get Page's while the others were going slow, or so we thought. When leaving Pages, as Tyler and Sarah were on there way to my house I got a call from Mike Starr. It went something like this:
Mike: Where the fuck is Katz dude? Have you fucking talked to him because I've been waiting for two fucking hours?
Me: I just talked to him and I thought he already picked you up.
Mike: No dude, he fucking talked to me hours ago and hasn't fucking answered since.
Me: He said he was almost to your house and then said you guys needed gas.
Mike: What the fuck, he isn't here. I'm gonna flip out in ten fucking minutes.
Me: Well he has to at least be close, he is the slowest person ever.
I was glad to see Mike was pumped up and wanting to leave. I still assume Katz was having a threesome with high class hookers since he has a lot of money and an expensive car. (ladies: he is single.) My group arrived and Tyler and Sarah pulled in shortly after. We had a ton of shit to load and had all of it packed and ready to go before we heard from Katz. He may have taken a long time, but all in all who gives a fuck. We got there on time.
We got a sneek peak at the Kid Detective songs on the way up. Tyler drove Sarah, Matt, Chris, and myself. We made that car ride go quick. There was a little confusion over a parking situation at Tyler's house, but that road bump was passed over in a heartbeat. We had no clue what was happening in the vehicle Katz was driving, but we knew oral sex was involved. About 45 minutes from our destination I got a call from Katz that went something like this :
Katz: Hey man, you guys go ahead because I have to pull over and go piss in the woods.
Me: Are you serious? You can't hold it?
Katz: I've been holding it for so long, just go ahead and we'll catch up.
About ten minutes later I got a text from Jake of a picture of Katz peeing. As we got closer we could see the red canoe strapped to the top of Katz' Suburban catching up to us. We were ready to roll in to that state park like the gang of hooligans we are.
It was hot. I stepped out of the car and felt the sweat beads gather on my forehead. Sarah ran around looking for a place to pee and was unsuccessful. We got parking passes and directions and where to go and were on our way. The park was huge, but gorgeous. The campsites weren't too personal, but we had two of them and plenty of room. It looked like the perfect weekend was ready to start, but mother-fucker nature had different plans for us. We got out and started to put up the giant 12 person tent that Tyler's step-dad gave us. Turns out one set of poles had gotten damaged. Half the group went for fishing licenses while the other went to Walmart for groceries and string to fix the poles. Tyler stayed back at the camp to wait for the fishers to come back. Chris already had his tent up.
I was in the grocery group with Wang, Chris, and Sarah. We came to find that we underestimated how much food 8 dudes could eat and drink. We spent over $200 easy on groceries and beer and liquor for the long island cooler. We spent even more on charcoal, fluid, and ice. Once again, who gives a fuck, it was money well spent. In the middle of grocery shopping I got a call from Matt...
Matt: Where are you guys? Is the wood all right?
Me: I'm not sure what you're talking about..
Matt: It is pouring rain...
Me: Shit, the wood is uncovered in the back of Tyler's truck. Try to cover it.
Matt: You guys have the truck.
Me: Oh damn.
After that we started to hear thunder and then started to hear Sarah say, "Aw Tyler is at the campsite alone!" and it did make me sad. We checked out and as we started loading groceries the sky opened up. It was an onslaught of rain. Huge, cold drops were being blown right at us. We all jumped in the car and as we drove even the highest setting for the windshield wipers could not keep the roads visible. We pulled in to a liquor store and debated actually getting out or not. Me and Chris manned up and jumped out of the car. Instantly drenched.
We drove back to the site and the sun started to peak out. The remaining men were back in the grass trying to set up the camp. The whole place was soaked and our wood followed suit. Tyler managed to save Wang's bag and also Chris' tent. Our optimism had started to get spent after the spending at the store, broken tent, and monsoon.
The lunch meat that was once questioned as to if we really needed it was the first thing open and sandwiches were made. Matt Kleiner used some Greek power to fix the tent poles... without the tent repair kits that we spent $15 on. The camp looked like a camp. Optimism was rising and the cornhole started... I won't say much about that, except Mike Starr and Myself are virtually unbeatable.
Before I go on I will credit Sarah for putting up with eight tight knit dudes that have fucked up conversations and do a lot of odd, fucked up things. She kept our shit together between cleaning and getting us going in the morning. Even thought it was earlier than any of us wake up, we would've wasted precious hours without us hearing, "It's 9 o'clock when did you guys want to get up?"
After the rain set back and extra hours of setting up camp and drying everything out, Matt, Mike, Jake, and Wang went fishing and the rest of us went swimming. We were within walking distance of the lake and it was beautiful. Good scenery and warm ass water. We changed behind some port-a-potties that smelled like absolute shit, I to this minute still question how Tyler could have possibly pissed in the shitty smelling toilet and by shitty, I mean an absolutely awful shit smell. I opened the door and in .07 seconds gagged. Anyways, the lake was refreshing. It felt good to be outdoors and just out of Youngstown.
We finished up and walked the hill back up to our campsite. We got some charcoal going for hot dogs and waited for the fishers to come back. They came back empty handed, Mike and Jake would have to wait for their chance to fillet a fish. The arrival of the fishing group meant it was time for Matt to do his thing with the ground beef. We got a fire going as the smoke dried the wood out. We all grabbed burgers and started to chill. We had dug into the beer and long island cooler a while prior to the sun setting, but there was plenty left. Jake got ahead of all of us at some point. He was falling on the grass. Stumbling everywhere. and eventually passing out in his chair.
The MVP of the camping trip was Katz by a landslide. He didn't come under prepared, he came prepared to rough it. Dressed only with his Garth Brooks T-shirt and swim trunks, no deodorant, no toothbrush, no towel. Chris McCandless would've been proud.. besides the iPhone. Katz was full of witty comments and took shit from no one. The wilderness brought out the beast within the proper young man that we all know as Master Katz. One of my favorite Katz quotes from the weekend happened while we were hiking a trail to the old stone house..
Mike: Katz I keep looking down expecting to see your mom on her knees.
Katz: Yeah, praying that you'll leave her alone.
Day one had turned around from the gloomy start we had and we all went to bed ready for a full day.
The tent. That pain in the ass to get up tent was also a sauna, but none of us were aware of that. I would've rather slept above the fire on a spit than in that tent. I woke up the next morning and looked down at the light gray shirt I put on last night and saw now a darker gray shirt, soaked with sweat. Our pillows had sweat marks from our heads and the hot sun felt better than the inside of that tent.
My shoes had vomit on them. "Did someone puke?"
"That was me." Tyler grunted from the tent.
We started the day off by showering and all that civilized bullshit. Katz kind of showered.. he didn't bring soap or a toothbrush. Katz idea of showering while camping was rinse off, use Mike Starr's towel, and then put back on his Garth Brooks cut off and the same pair of swim trunks. Post showering we started a fire and made eggs, toast, and bacon. Jake's $26 pan got used a little bit at least.
Chris was a huge asset to the group and also the newest "recruit." He is a great dude and also has a vast knowledge of Salt Fork, which came in handy. He knew the cool trails and what we should see and also knew how to get us around.
We needed to swim. It was extremely hot. I knew we would end up sun burnt despite the attention we gave to sunscreen and our shoulders. At first we tried the pool, just to have some clean water, but it was packed. We agreed, 'fuck it we're camping, let's go to the beach.' We went to a beach farther away from our campsite, which turned out to be a bad idea. Some weird sperm looking, mosquito shells littered the water and they were just creepy looking. We all decided to leave and go to the beach near our site. It was a good decision. The water was warm, almost like people are constantly pissing in the water. We threw around a Frisbee and football and just chilled. That's what it was all about, a group of best friends, all being together and loving life.
Katz, Jake, and Mike took away the joy of canoeing, so everyone else went back to make some lunch and kick it. More hot dogs, except this time Sarah ate a vegan hot dog, which I was interested in trying.. I will try one later, you'll see. Katz, Mike, and Jake showed up as we were gonna drive back to the pool and count that as a type of "shower", chlorine kind of cleans you up. Katz jumped in and Mike and Jake stayed back to do what we all know they always do.
The pool. Another shining moment from the wild beast within Katz. We get there and Katz decided he wants a pina colada, the problem was they only would charge the drink to the room. This was a problem because we didn't have a room and really weren't suppose to be there. Katz tried to play it off cool, but they were on to us. We then went inside to find everyone who went in to find bathrooms. Me and Katz got slightly lost due to the inefficiency of their floor maps. We eventually found the indoor pool and I noticed that you needed a key card to get in. I informed Katz of this, but he still shook the handle hoping to get in to the pool. People were giving us the stink eye. Katz then turned around and noticed an ice cream bar.. I don't think he wanted ice cream, but he did want to know if they also only charged to the room.
Katz: Hi, I was just wondering if you guys took credit cards or what..
Lady: No, we can charge it to your room.
Katz: Ahhh, interesting.
He doesn't say anything else, turns around, and walks away. Everyone knows we are intruders. We do end up in the pool. Katz ended up with Pina Coladas after he macked on some rich cougar. She tried to take him up to the room, I think it was the Garth Brooks shirt and his natural scent from saying fuck it to cleanliness.
We all got back together outside of the lodge. Mike and Jake got in Katz's Suburban (without katz) and everyone else piled into Tyler's truck bed, because that's American as fuck. A fun drive ensued. Mike and Jake were on our ass and Wang finally said, "Hey am I allowed to throw something at your car Katz?" Obviously it was going to happen so we unloaded everything that couldn't damage the car on to them and then we hit a stop sign. Mike brought a container of cookies that ended up not being eaten, but balled up and thrown at everyone in the back of the truck. It was an all out roar, straight fire fight. I think Mike and Jake won. One of my favorite Katz one liners happened on the drive to the trails, Tyler had on a country station and Katz raised his fist and punched towards the sky. He only did so for about five seconds before saying, "Hey, got any Garth?"
Mike and I tore apart all comers in cornhole. Fuck them haters.
Before we started a fire and chilled for the night we went to check out a few trails, which were very cool. Sarah didn't climb the cave, which is allowed because she is a girl. Wang didn't climb the cave, which isn't okay because he is NOT supposed to have a vagina. The top of the cave was incredible and definitely pretty high up there. It took the camping to a new experience for me, it wasn't just hanging out and cooking and swimming. I was somewhere I hadn't been, somewhere that took some work to get to and had made it to the top.
The last night consisted of more beer and Chris chugging a bottle of pineapple rum, which was a great decision, one of the best decisions. We ate and drank and just hung out. We played bullshit and drank. We drank and talked. We got drunk. One by one people fell like flies. The last three standing were myself, Tyler, and Chris. I did assume me and Tyler would usually be up the latest. The three of us just kicked it, literally.. we kicked everything that remained in our coolers. We ripped through everything and chucked stuff in to the woods, including my broken chair. We shook beer cans and punted them far in to the trees. Then I pulled Sarah's vegan dogs out of the bloody water and ice, and I decided I wanted it. I bit into it raw, and started gagging. I kept the vomit in, but bless that girl, because I don't know how she eats the shiiiit. Steak > vegan dogs.
As I sat there with Chris and Tyler deciding if we should put the fire out and try to sleep, we all talked about the weekend. How it was amazing to get all of our friends to go together and that we should do it more often and I hope that happens. I hope all of us go once a year until our lives just don't allow it. Katz once said to me outside of Denny's at 3 a.m. "It's weird to say, but I go to bars around here or in Hubbard and see older men like fifty plus and they sit there and talk about high school and all that and I really think that's cool and kind of hope that I'm friends with people for that long." I've never considered who I'll be friends with in thirty years, but I can only hope it's the same friends I have now. It's completely unrealistic to think all of us or even myself stays here. The thing is if it did happen, I would be completely content, because as I've said many times before, I have the best friends. Positive people that don't get involved in shit and back up each other with anything. We don't make issues and we don't add to any problems. So, here's to being old bastards together and having a beer after work... most likely at Shakers.
