Friends and a Casino Trip

            Sometimes you just have to reflect. Not on anything in particular, just life in general. It’s hard to believe it’s only been six years since I got my license, four years since I’ve graduated, and not even two years since I’ve legally been allowed to drink. I think about baseball and having played it for more than half my life. All-star tournaments. Cooperstown, New York. I think about all the friends I’ve had, ones that moved, and ones that aren’t my friends anymore. I remember skateboarding everyday, everywhere. Not being allowed to get into R-rated movies. I remember everything that I don’t think about enough.

            Now, I’m almost done with my fourth year of college and I’m potentially a year away from graduating. I’ve got a twin sister who is graduating and friends that are all making moves. Within this past year, within the past months I have met and become friends/close to some of the greatest people. Individuals that most people don’t think exist in a place like Youngstown. Passionate, creative, involved people. I’ve had the pleasure to see and talk to people like Dead Fingers (Taylor Hollingsworth and Kate Taylor) and the wonderful Heather Maloney. I’ve talked movies with people, books, music, politics, beers, and weather. I have had so many opportunities to grow. I look back to even a year ago and am in disbelief how much different everything is, with school, an internship course, being proud of something and everything else that has happened.

            What led me to think about all this was Friday April 13, 2012 and the night that ensued. It was Matt’s twenty-first birthday, so we decided Mountaineer Casino would be an appropriate decision. It was without a doubt going to be a fun trip, especially with the crowd that went: Matt, Jake, Wang, Katz, Rocky, and myself. To ensure the night started right Jake and I went out and bought a bottle of Absinthe (not to mention the great hunt for sugar cubes), Katz and Wang were both in charge of cases of beer.

            We had booked a hotel room with the intent of getting completely obliterated (and we polished off a lot of alcohol.) After eating pizza, scoping out the room and balcony, we started doing shots of Absinthe and playing kings. We must have been on a good pace because Rocky hit a point where he was pouring shots out and trying to slip it past us and avoid drinking them. Since I’m a great negative influence, and Wang is a bad liar I caught on to Rocky’s bathroom activity and figured out his plan to avoid our last shot. After we downed the last shot of Absinthe and almost the whole bottle, we gallantly strolled down to the casino (If gallantly was a synonym for wobbly.) The true men didn’t walk straight to a table or machine, we walked to the bar and got a drink, which is everyone, excluding Jake and Wang (pussies.)

            Matt went to slots and somehow did well. I played $6 and left with $18 and went to check out blackjack. The tables were still full, so I decided to try my luck on roulette. Little did I know roulette was feeling me, I went up and down but hovered around +$75-100 all night. When I was up $90 towards the end of the night I cashed out and said, “That’s good enough.”

            Jake and Rocky were not so lucky, they lost *undisclosed amount*. I felt bad, but that is the risk of gambling. Wang lost a little and Katz ended up breaking even.

            We popped into Mahogany around 2am where I enjoyed and destroyed a Bloody Mary. They make a good, spicy one. The way they should be made. Jake tried one and said he enjoyed it. Matt got a Blue Moon and couldn’t finish it; I was disappointed at our lack of drunk for a twenty-first. I expected everyone to be a dozen beers deep, but I can’t always get my way. Maybe it’s a good decision to stay conservative at somewhere with as much security as a casino.

            Katz, Wang, and myself made it the longest (surprisingly Wang was up later than me.) The birthday boy and Jake tapped out early, at least for casino time. 5am at a casino is basically 2:30 anywhere else. I did all I could to keep them awake and continuing to drink, but it didn’t work. Realistically I went to sleep only to get the last bed spot. I crawled into bed around 4:45 and tried to sleep with the air conditioner blowing right in my face. But, that was better than the chair or floor.

            We woke up looking groggy. It was a long day/night, but we had to check out, eat, and get home. And of course, try our luck one more time. Katz, Jake and Matt hit the buffet. Wang and me bought a burger. We all polished off our food, emptied our bladders and headed home.

            It was a fun night and it wasn’t even as crazy as I thought it would get, but it’s one of those times you just realize was great. It was inevitable. That group of people, the celebrating, and closeness of one band of friends, how could it not be good? We all met through different people and we all have an immense amount of care and love for each other. Despite losing money or winning money, not being able to take that extra shot, passing out early or staying up late, being ignorant to table rules of blackjack, or being completely unlucky, we were all together and sometimes you have to slow down and realize how important things like that are. So, maybe nothing completely crazy happened. Nobody won a grand. Nobody passed out in a corner. Nobody got intimately involved with an escort. We didn’t end up at a strip club or running down the street. But, that stuff isn’t necessary. That whole trip boiled down to me once again thinking, “You ain’t got friends like I got friends.” (a Garret G. lyric.) It always rings true. Anyone I’m friends with is my friend because they have the ability to have fun with anything. It’s a comforting feeling to know I have a list of people that will be interested in something, anything and everything. Cheers homies.

"You ain't got friends like I got friends."

“There’s never anything to do around here.”

“I can’t wait to just get the hell out of here.”

“This place plain sucks.”

Those are all the typical starting points for the all too common conversation discussing the place I’m currently living in. The same start to a conversation that the same type of person begins. The pessimistic local that goes with the stereotype that Youngstown is a shit-hole. “What’s there to do in a place like this?”, is what they’ll ask me and I’ll just answer with something like, “You’re just either not looking in the right places or not looking at all.” I’d love to elaborate on the times I have and the people I meet as I stand there with them. As I stand there trying not to literally slap some sense in to them.

I’m in Downtown Youngstown at least twice a week. Whether it’s going to play and listen to local artists at open mic nights on Tuesdays at the Lemon Grove, catching a show, or stopping in to play pool at the Draught House and get some good, cheap beers. And usually I walk into a bar downtown and I’ll see someone I know. Someone I want to talk to. Someone I like interacting with, who has similar interests and usually shares some sort of passion for this city.

It’s two in the morning on a weekend and I’m leaving a show. I’ve had a few Crown Royals, a few Captain and Cokes (diet if I’m feeling disgusting) and definitely a couple choice beers. It’s time to walk into a downtown secret, the Downtown Circle. People ignorant to Youngstown will ask, “Why are you going into a convenient store? You can’t buy beer this late.”

Sometimes they follow me in and sometimes they stand outside smoking their Marbolo Reds or Camel Crushes depending on how long their smoking addiction has been going. Then, I walk out with a cylinder of tin foil. A warm cylinder of tin foil that smells better than anything you can get at Denny’s, Taco Bell, or any late night food joint (those can be called shit holes.) Unwrapped—it’s a gyro. Lamb meat cooked on a shawarma, covered in whatever homemade topping you want. Toasted in its tin foil sarcophagus. Breathe it in. Let the cucumber sauce run it’s path down your chin as the amount of lamb you’re fitting into your mouth is unorthodox to any normal eating standard. The homemade hot sauce continues your intoxicating feeling in a different manner than the drinking. Something so simple, that makes home so good.

            Coming down the sidewalk one way are kids in thick-rimmed glasses, form fitting clothes, scarves, and some simple flat-bottomed shoes. The girls wear colorful and elaborate outfits that you’d see in a Forever 21 catalogue. Look the other way and here comes a group of gentlemen in polo shirts and pea coats, accompanied with stain washed, handmade holes in their jeans and some loosely tied high top Nikes. Behind them girls are walking at a steady pace trying to cover their legs that are peaking out from their short, sequined, shimmering dresses. Their faces coated with makeup and their shoes adding at least three inches to their height. Around the corner comes a group of kids that are underage and most likely pounding shots of 151 and having some light beers. YSU hoodies with the hoods up, yelling and stumbling down the brick sidewalks. West Federal Street -- A stereotype melting pot.

            People with wristbands, people with X’d hands. People hammered doing more shots of whiskey, people enjoying coffee or tea. Chill and have a martini. Let loose and hear a band, hear a DJ, do something. Neighboring bars cover the whole spectrum when you’re down on West Federal Street.

            Want to feel like the spotlights on you for a moment? Venture Downtown on a Wednesday and Karaoke. Make a fool of yourself and simply say, “Fuck it.”

Drink one too many and dance like you’ve never danced before. Get dressed up and go eat. Dress down, watch a sporting event, and eat. Go eat locally produced food. Or you can continue to sit in your house forever playing video games and doing the same thing every night. Stay at home and catch the premiere of some television show (or get DVR.) Or Go meet all the people that I have met. Join us in drum circles. Discussions about movies. Arguments about politics. Talk about inappropriate subject matter over eight pitchers of beer. Continue drinking at three in the morning while people are playing instruments and yelling out lyrics to songs. Feel whatever it is floating through the atmosphere and join in. This past year has been the most unlikely year ever, in the best possible way. The experiences and people I’ve met in this area are enough for me to say, I love this place. No matter where I go, Youngstown is my home. My stomping grounds. The people I know and love, we can look at other people and say, “You ain’t got friends like I got friends.”

“Youngstown sucks.”

I still don’t know how I’d respond to that statement in a short conversation. Maybe, “A lot of places suck.”

or, “You boring, fun sucking fuck you just need to let go a little and see everything you’re not taking time to enjoy.”

or something inappropriate, “If you mean Youngstown sucks the dick of it’s citizens to keep them happy, then yes, you’re right.”

or simply, “No, you suck.”

What am I doing with my life?

That question I try not to ask myself has been hop-scotching through my thoughts quite frequently as of late. I'm a few days away from being done with my fall semester of my fourth year at Youngstown State University and I have zero emotion about it besides glad it's going to be a break.

The thing is this semester was easy and I'll be the first to admit I didn't try as hard as I should have. I breezed through some classes and spent all my time focusing on Fiction Writing. I wrote more stories than necessary and focused more on finishing obscure flash fiction stories about fucking in public places than I did doing important "upper division" work. So, I have this proposal due which is the first assignment that truly relates to my major and as I've suffered through it all I can think is, "I hate this."
I was writing a proposal for a non-profit Youngstown based organization that I truly believe has some good projects going on, yet all I can think about is how I do NOT want to be doing it. I'm starting to retreat and think moving away and finding a job somewhere is more appealing than having a degree. I clearly understand that not having a degree is not a smart decision to make, but with connections and opportunities I've had lately I think working my way up somewhere is almost smarter than me continuing to BARELY get by with Cs in school. The people I've been meeting and experiences I've been having are teaching me more than I've been taught at school ( I know obviously education is important and things I learn in school I won't learn in the "real world", but right now that seems irrelevant.)

I've been hanging out and playing music with a kid who buys antiques and re-sells them. That is literally ALL he does. He buys things and sells them. Some years he has made almost a six-digit salary. What the shit? I'm going to be going to school til 2013-14 (hopefully) and here's a kid who didn't go to college and is making enough money to own a house and music studio, because he buys things and then sells them.

Everything I feel accomplished about from this semester has almost nothing to do with school, besides the fiction stories. I have been involved on some project building and made some relationships that have been more beneficial to me than anything I've got since 2008 when I started attending YSU.

What am I doing with my life? I wish I could tell you, but I know that you're not going to tell me. I'll smooth talk my way into somewhere.

Public Display of Affection

9:00 p.m.

White Shoes – check.

White Shirt – check.

Light colored pants – check.

Popular men’s cologne – spritzed.

I walk out of my basement level condo. Step up four stairs, open a door, and I’m outside.

Twenty-one and a quarter steps and I’m in my garage. Three more steps and I’m in my car. Five-minute process max, depending on if the garage door is closed, meaning I need to put the code in.

Little things can add up.

9:15

A twelve-minute drive and I’m right on time. I like catching the previews. After the ticket booth, snack line and waiting on popcorn, two drinks, and a pack of Twizzlers, I’m in a good seat. Seven minutes max.

9:30

The previews go and she always shows up right after.  She finds me and sits down, reaching straight for the package of Twizzlers. She is aware that I am watching her sensually eat the red vine of odd compounded non-toxic chemicals and sugars. She ever so softly coughs as an excuse to lean over and expose her cleavage as she takes a drink of her diet soda with no ice.

The movie begins after the cinema’s short bit on the rudeness that comes with using your cell phone during a motion picture.

10:15

Half an hour is the time a movie plays before a clerk comes in with his orange-coned flashlight. He or she walks up and down the aisles and then over to the exit for who knows what reason.

I’m convinced it’s to look for contraband. Contraband being food from outside the cinema’s dark carpet covered walls. Where Twizzlers are two dollars instead of eight.

We always see the movie that’s been out the longest, the one that is most likely to be empty.

10:17

The clerk walks out.

She. The one sitting next to me un-buttons her sweater, carefully slipping it off and placing it onto the back of her chair. The popcorn is then removed from my lap. The fly on my pants is un-zipped. Her mouth, loosened up from the Twizzler, breathes air into the open fly of my lightest of light brown corduroy pants. Light brown because the white creamy stains don’t sit as noticeably on them. Dark brown pants are the difference between going unnoticed or getting dirty looks while walking out.

10:47

Only take a half hour maximum.

Someone could come back in. A lot of times clerks check theatres every half hour.

So, if you’re on a date in some girly romance movie, pay attention to how many times the clerk checks the theatre to find out how long you’ve been suffering in there. Then you won’t have to look rude checking your watch or phone in-between every scene.

For a situation like mine, remember a half hour or you could get caught. An establishment like this doesn’t take too lightly to public displays of affection. And this goes way beyond tonsil hockey. This is flesh-smacking flesh. This is holding our hands over each other’s mouths so the moans aren’t audible.

11:58

We say nothing. She puts her hand in mine and lifts it to her face. She pulls out my middle finger. Deep throats it and releases it with a suctioned pop. She places her jacket back over her torso and walks out right before the credits roll.

I’ve been told, “You should do that at a porn theatre.”

I always reply, “Porn theatres always have people in there late,” I laugh and add, “and the movie we choose to see is always terrible anyways, so we aren’t missing anything.”

They say something along the lines of, “I just don’t get it. I could never do it in public, that’s nerve wrecking and kind of freaky.”

Once again, I always reply, “That’s exactly it.”

Happiness is only real when shared.

If I have learned one thing this summer, it's that my friendships are better than I've ever realized. You live and you learn. I had anticipated the end of July for one major reason... camping. A weekend with all my best friends and a time that would undoubtedly be the best time. The group consisted of:

Myself
Jake Moyers
Jason Wang
Matt Kleiner
Mike Starr
Chris McClelland
Andrew Katz
Tyler Barnes
and last but certainly not least, Sarah McCree

We were ready. A lot of times we all come up with great ideas and never actually pursue doing them, but this time was different. We all got hyped up and got a camp site at Salt Fork State Park and made that shit go down. We all had a mental countdown for when we were going to be leaving. Friday morning came and I was awake like it was Christmas morning, I felt like I was five years old again. I texted everyone I was picking up before I jumped in the shower. Chris was the first to respond and ready to go. I got him, went to the bank, grabbed Wang, grabbed Matt, and then Jake. We just had to wait for Tyler to bring Sarah and Katz to bring Mike.

My group was so hype we worked up an appetite and due to our obvious punctuality we had time to get Page's while the others were going slow, or so we thought. When leaving Pages, as Tyler and Sarah were on there way to my house I got a call from Mike Starr. It went something like this:

Mike: Where the fuck is Katz dude? Have you fucking talked to him because I've been waiting for two fucking hours?
Me: I just talked to him and I thought he already picked you up.
Mike: No dude, he fucking talked to me hours ago and hasn't fucking answered since.
Me: He said he was almost to your house and then said you guys needed gas.
Mike: What the fuck, he isn't here. I'm gonna flip out in ten fucking minutes.
Me: Well he has to at least be close, he is the slowest person ever.

I was glad to see Mike was pumped up and wanting to leave. I still assume Katz was having a threesome with high class hookers since he has a lot of money and an expensive car. (ladies: he is single.) My group arrived and Tyler and Sarah pulled in shortly after. We had a ton of shit to load and had all of it packed and ready to go before we heard from Katz. He may have taken a long time, but all in all who gives a fuck. We got there on time.

We got a sneek peak at the Kid Detective songs on the way up. Tyler drove Sarah, Matt, Chris, and myself. We made that car ride go quick. There was a little confusion over a parking situation at Tyler's house, but that road bump was passed over in a heartbeat. We had no clue what was happening in the vehicle Katz was driving, but we knew oral sex was involved. About 45 minutes from our destination I got a call from Katz that went something like this :

Katz: Hey man, you guys go ahead because I have to pull over and go piss in the woods.
Me: Are you serious? You can't hold it?
Katz: I've been holding it for so long, just go ahead and we'll catch up.

About ten minutes later I got a text from Jake of a picture of Katz peeing. As we got closer we could see the red canoe strapped to the top of Katz' Suburban catching up to us. We were ready to roll in to that state park like the gang of hooligans we are.

It was hot. I stepped out of the car and felt the sweat beads gather on my forehead. Sarah ran around looking for a place to pee and was unsuccessful. We got parking passes and directions and where to go and were on our way. The park was huge, but gorgeous. The campsites weren't too personal, but we had two of them and plenty of room. It looked like the perfect weekend was ready to start, but mother-fucker nature had different plans for us. We got out and started to put up the giant 12 person tent that Tyler's step-dad gave us. Turns out one set of poles had gotten damaged. Half the group went for fishing licenses while the other went to Walmart for groceries and string to fix the poles. Tyler stayed back at the camp to wait for the fishers to come back. Chris already had his tent up.

I was in the grocery group with Wang, Chris, and Sarah. We came to find that we underestimated how much food 8 dudes could eat and drink. We spent over $200 easy on groceries and beer and liquor for the long island cooler. We spent even more on charcoal, fluid, and ice. Once again, who gives a fuck, it was money well spent. In the middle of grocery shopping I got a call from Matt...

Matt: Where are you guys? Is the wood all right?
Me: I'm not sure what you're talking about..
Matt: It is pouring rain...
Me: Shit, the wood is uncovered in the back of Tyler's truck. Try to cover it.
Matt: You guys have the truck.
Me: Oh damn.

After that we started to hear thunder and then started to hear Sarah say, "Aw Tyler is at the campsite alone!" and it did make me sad. We checked out and as we started loading groceries the sky opened up. It was an onslaught of rain. Huge, cold drops were being blown right at us. We all jumped in the car and as we drove even the highest setting for the windshield wipers could not keep the roads visible. We pulled in to a liquor store and debated actually getting out or not. Me and Chris manned up and jumped out of the car. Instantly drenched.

We drove back to the site and the sun started to peak out. The remaining men were back in the grass trying to set up the camp. The whole place was soaked and our wood followed suit. Tyler managed to save Wang's bag and also Chris' tent. Our optimism had started to get spent after the spending at the store, broken tent, and monsoon.

The lunch meat that was once questioned as to if we really needed it was the first thing open and sandwiches were made. Matt Kleiner used some Greek power to fix the tent poles... without the tent repair kits that we spent $15 on. The camp looked like a camp. Optimism was rising and the cornhole started... I won't say much about that, except Mike Starr and Myself are virtually unbeatable.

Before I go on I will credit Sarah for putting up with eight tight knit dudes that have fucked up conversations and do a lot of odd, fucked up things. She kept our shit together between cleaning and getting us going in the morning. Even thought it was earlier than any of us wake up, we would've wasted precious hours without us hearing, "It's 9 o'clock when did you guys want to get up?"


After the rain set back and extra hours of setting up camp and drying everything out, Matt, Mike, Jake, and Wang went fishing and the rest of us went swimming. We were within walking distance of the lake and it was beautiful. Good scenery and warm ass water. We changed behind some port-a-potties that smelled like absolute shit, I to this minute still question how Tyler could have possibly pissed in the shitty smelling toilet and by shitty, I mean an absolutely awful shit smell. I opened the door and in .07 seconds gagged. Anyways, the lake was refreshing. It felt good to be outdoors and just out of Youngstown.

We finished up and walked the hill back up to our campsite. We got some charcoal going for hot dogs and waited for the fishers to come back. They came back empty handed, Mike and Jake would have to wait for their chance to fillet a fish. The arrival of the fishing group meant it was time for Matt to do his thing with the ground beef. We got a fire going as the smoke dried the wood out. We all grabbed burgers and started to chill. We had dug into the beer and long island cooler a while prior to the sun setting, but there was plenty left. Jake got ahead of all of us at some point. He was falling on the grass. Stumbling everywhere. and eventually passing out in his chair.

The MVP of the camping trip was Katz by a landslide. He didn't come under prepared, he came prepared to rough it. Dressed only with his Garth Brooks T-shirt and swim trunks, no deodorant, no toothbrush, no towel. Chris McCandless would've been proud.. besides the iPhone. Katz was full of witty comments and took shit from no one. The wilderness brought out the beast within the proper young man that we all know as Master Katz. One of my favorite Katz quotes from the weekend happened while we were hiking a trail to the old stone house..

Mike: Katz I keep looking down expecting to see your mom on her knees.
Katz: Yeah, praying that you'll leave her alone.


Day one had turned around from the gloomy start we had and we all went to bed ready for a full day.

The tent. That pain in the ass to get up tent was also a sauna, but none of us were aware of that. I would've rather slept above the fire on a spit than in that tent. I woke up the next morning and looked down at the light gray shirt I put on last night and saw now a darker gray shirt, soaked with sweat. Our pillows had sweat marks from our heads and the hot sun felt better than the inside of that tent.

My shoes had vomit on them. "Did someone puke?"

"That was me." Tyler grunted from the tent.

We started the day off by showering and all that civilized bullshit. Katz kind of showered.. he didn't bring soap or a toothbrush. Katz idea of showering while camping was rinse off, use Mike Starr's towel, and then put back on his Garth Brooks cut off and the same pair of swim trunks. Post showering we started a fire and made eggs, toast, and bacon. Jake's $26 pan got used a little bit at least.

Chris was a huge asset to the group and also the newest "recruit."  He is a great dude and also has a vast knowledge of Salt Fork, which came in handy. He knew the cool trails and what we should see and also knew how to get us around.

We needed to swim. It was extremely hot. I knew we would end up sun burnt despite the attention we gave to sunscreen and our shoulders. At first we tried the pool, just to have some clean water, but it was packed. We agreed, 'fuck it we're camping, let's go to the beach.' We went to a beach farther away from our campsite, which turned out to be a bad idea. Some weird sperm looking, mosquito shells littered the water and they were just creepy looking. We all decided to leave and go to the beach near our site. It was a good decision. The water was warm, almost like people are constantly pissing in the water. We threw around a Frisbee and football and just chilled. That's what it was all about, a group of best friends, all being together and loving life. 

Katz, Jake, and Mike took away the joy of canoeing, so everyone else went back to make some lunch and kick it. More hot dogs, except this time Sarah ate a vegan hot dog, which I was interested in trying.. I will try one later, you'll see. Katz, Mike, and Jake showed up as we were gonna drive back to the pool and count that as a type of "shower", chlorine kind of cleans you up. Katz jumped in and Mike and Jake stayed back to do what we all know they always do.

The pool. Another shining moment from the wild beast within Katz. We get there and Katz decided he wants a pina colada, the problem was they only would charge the drink to the room. This was a problem because we didn't have a room and really weren't suppose to be there. Katz tried to play it off cool, but they were on to us. We then went inside to find everyone who went in to find bathrooms. Me and Katz got slightly lost due to the inefficiency of their floor maps. We eventually found the indoor pool and I noticed that you needed a key card to get in. I informed Katz of this, but he still shook the handle hoping to get in to the pool. People were giving us the stink eye. Katz then turned around and noticed an ice cream bar.. I don't think he wanted ice cream, but he did want to know if they also only charged to the room.

Katz: Hi, I was just wondering if you guys took credit cards or what..
Lady: No, we can charge it to your room.
Katz: Ahhh, interesting.

He doesn't say anything else, turns around, and walks away. Everyone knows we are intruders. We do end up in the pool. Katz ended up with Pina Coladas after he macked on some rich cougar. She tried to take him up to the room, I think it was the Garth Brooks shirt and his natural scent from saying fuck it to cleanliness.

We all got back together outside of the lodge. Mike and Jake got in Katz's Suburban (without katz) and everyone else piled into Tyler's truck bed, because that's American as fuck. A fun drive ensued. Mike and Jake were on our ass and Wang finally said, "Hey am I allowed to throw something at your car Katz?" Obviously it was going to happen so we unloaded everything that couldn't damage the car on to them and then we hit a stop sign. Mike brought a container of cookies that ended up not being eaten, but balled up and thrown at everyone in the back of the truck. It was an all out roar, straight fire fight. I think Mike and Jake won. One of my favorite Katz one liners happened on the drive to the trails, Tyler had on a country station and Katz raised his fist and punched towards the sky. He only did so for about five seconds before saying, "Hey, got any Garth?"

Mike and I tore apart all comers in cornhole. Fuck them haters.

Before we started a fire and chilled for the night we went to check out a few trails, which were very cool. Sarah didn't climb the cave, which is allowed because she is a girl. Wang didn't climb the cave, which isn't okay because he is NOT supposed to have a vagina. The top of the cave was incredible and definitely pretty high up there. It took the camping to a new experience for me, it wasn't just hanging out and cooking and swimming. I was somewhere I hadn't been, somewhere that took some work to get to and had made it to the top.

The last night consisted of more beer and Chris chugging a bottle of pineapple rum, which was a great decision, one of the best decisions. We ate and drank and just hung out. We played bullshit and drank. We drank and talked. We got drunk. One by one people fell like flies. The last three standing were myself, Tyler, and Chris. I did assume me and Tyler would usually be up the latest. The three of us just kicked it, literally.. we kicked everything that remained in our coolers. We ripped through everything and chucked stuff in to the woods, including my broken chair. We shook beer cans and punted them far in to the trees. Then I pulled Sarah's vegan dogs out of the bloody water and ice, and I decided I wanted it. I bit into it raw, and started gagging. I kept the vomit in, but bless that girl, because I don't know how she eats the shiiiit. Steak > vegan dogs.

As I sat there with Chris and Tyler deciding if we should put the fire out and try to sleep, we all talked about the weekend. How it was amazing to get all of our friends to go together and that we should do it more often and I hope that happens. I hope all of us go once a year until our lives just don't allow it. Katz once said to me outside of Denny's at 3 a.m. "It's weird to say, but I go to bars around here or in Hubbard and see older men like fifty plus and they sit there and talk about high school and all that and I really think that's cool and kind of hope that I'm friends with people for that long." I've never considered who I'll be friends with in thirty years, but I can only hope it's the same friends I have now. It's completely unrealistic to think all of us or even myself stays here. The thing is if it did happen, I would be completely content, because as I've said many times before, I have the best friends. Positive people that don't get involved in shit and back up each other with anything. We don't make issues and we don't add to any problems. So, here's to being old bastards together and having a beer after work... most likely at Shakers.

 I love you all.

And love's always been the message..

I was perfectly centered where I slept because that's what an air mattress does. Starts as a bed on a cloud and then you wake up partially on the ground. I felt like I didn't sleep at all, but you know how anticipation works. I staggered to the shower and turned the hot water on while I brushed my teeth. No time to make coffee so I turned the water up until it seemed like my skin was a step away from blistering. There's plenty of ways to awake your senses.


"Let's make a move," I told Jake and Joanne who were sleeping on the floor and couch, "Conor can't wait all day."

We stopped and got cheap breakfast and filled ourselves up. One pancake, side of bacon, side of home fries. Chew, swallow, sip of coffee, repeat. Since I couldn't make coffee when I got up our server gave Joanne and I a cup to go. Then it was on to Cleveland.

On the way there Jake theorized that our waitress roofied the coffees, because she was "undoubtedly a secret service agent." That is why he refused her offer for a free coffee. I continued to drink the coffee. The drive down was flooded with Bright Eyes, Desaparecidos, Monsters of Folk, and The Mystic Valley Band. My outlandish movements and singing caused Joanne to feel the need to switch to something different as we got further into the drive.

Expecting to drink more than we should an arrangement had been made to stay at a Hotel downtown that was only blocks away from the Concert venue. We ate at the House of Blues to get benefits to get in early. Which worked out because we were close enough to catch sweat droplets from Conor's hair. (we didn't really do that, just saying.)

After eating lunch the three of us went back to the hotel room to split a bottle of rum and an 18 of bud. We started drinking at 4:01 and Jake threw up at 4:56, I guess that summarizes the success of pre-gaming. We walked down to the venue and met some cool people. Played bullshit and drank $1 budweisers with the people near us. At one point Joanne and I walked out the back doors and happened to see Mike Mogis and Nate Walcott walking down the alley we yelled "Hey!" and walked over to them. Nate waved and we walked around the corner where we talked to Mike while Nate was in Lola. Mike was rad. He was a nice dude and talked to us about everything. He seemed excited to be playing again. At the end of our conversation I said, "Alright, well we'll let you get back to doing what you do." and Joanne and I turned to walk away and he said, "Well let's walk back together cause I'm going that way and I hate that awkward good-bye when you think you're going separate ways and then you creep back behind them and I'd watch you in front of me." I laughed because I knew exactly what he was talking about. We walked back and stood there for a second, he shook my hand and hugged Joanne and looked at us both and said, "See you later."

The concert was, for lack of a more creative and in your face word, incredible.

The opening band was The Mountain Goats and I was not too familiar with them. I was pleasantly surprised and they put on a fun show. During their last song the lead singer jumped down towards the crowd. The lead singer's eyes met my eyes and said, "I terrorize people with iPhones." He proceeded to grab my phone and record himself singing.. a great start to the concert.

After an agonizing 20 minutes of waiting for Bright Eyes to be set up, they walked out. I was initially disappointed that they didn't open up with Firewall, but the set list was perfect. They played so many great songs that I couldn't have been disappointed. I got chills when I heard Gold Mine Gutted. I got chills during many different points. Their extended, more intense version of Road to Joy was flawless. The whole concert was great.

After Conor Oberst said something along the lines of, "This is what happens when people depend on computers," and continued making a point, "we aren't computers and we're all still working."

The overheating of the equipment led to two of my favorite moments of the show. Conor and Nate on stage performing Lua and June on the West Coast. Conor stumbled over some of the words during June on the West Coast but it just added to how genuine the song was. He seemed completely invested into us, the crowd. The show crept on and every moment got better. During their last song of the encore, the concert was thrown into another level.

"One for you," Conor sang as he touched his own chest,
"and one for me," he sang as he pointed out to all of us.


"You and me, you and me, that is an awful lie, it's I and I."
 Hands rose like swords being raised by warriors waiting to attack, which is what everyone did as he took a leap of faith into all of us. Me, along with everyone grabbed his hand and cheered. Could there be a better way to end a song with a message of togetherness? He landed right by me. Right by everyone and he continued singing and smiling and just enjoying the moment.

Earlier in the day two girls chased him through traffic towards the Arcade. While I did walk over and peak in, I felt bad for the two girls who had put themselves in apparent danger, especially someone like Conor who stays out of mainstream just to hopefully avoid being completely taken over by the media. I thought about this as Conor was on top of us, touching us, connecting to us and I felt a different side of Conor, because all I knew was his music, but the connection that show brought made me feel about him, how I think he wants us to feel about him. I'll leave you to decide how that is.

Just the smell of the summer can make me fall in love

Summer started off strong. Bonfires. Swimming. Ya know, what I was expecting the summer to be like. Things change, momentum shifts and all of a sudden what was happening no longer could happen.. No exact details necessary. Anyways after what could have been my worst day of summer had begun, I decided that it wasn't going to be my worst day. New found freedom can be taken as loneliness or opportunity. I hate moping around and being disappointed/negative/anything like that. I don't like to be down in the dumps, I'm social. I have fun no matter what the situation is and can hold a conversation with anyone, hate them or love them. I'll find good in anyone, and anyone that wants my company must at least be interesting enough for me to talk to a little. Why live life assuming the worst and trying to avoid everyone?

Anyways, my "worst" day of summer... I take a nap and shake it off and head to the bar for the Indians game. As the bar tender continued slipping us drinks and as I confidently felt my smooth talking abilities climb up inside me I knew I would be fine. Which was proven to be true.. once again, no exact details necessary. But I got home the next day at about 7 am, on no sleep, just thinking "Damn.. life is crazy." So cliche and simple and whatever else you want to say about it. But after something so negative happened all I can think is that I've had the best summer I've ever had.. if there's such a thing as too much fun, trust me I could say I have..

I've got some of the best friends that could be found.. legit. There is a wide range of us as well.. and about a core 8-9 people that are practically a brotherhood. We never say it or try to break down how we all became friends and how we all became so tight, but it happened. And there's no other group of people I'd like to be bullshitting with til 5 in the morning every day. Our times are great times because they are. Some other people may not understand our humor, or what we do, how we act. But we all get it and that's what counts. There's no bullshit, it's all good.

And this Summer is not yet over.. there are more fires to come. more beer to drink. more crown to throw up. more camping. more everything. and after everything I've realized that a bad thing is only a bad thing if you let it be bad. I woke up and smelled the summer and that was enough to make me fall in love. I've met and hung out with more people in the last month or so than i have in the last 18 months and having these experiences and figuring out where I'm going and what my strengths are has made what could have been a disastrous summer into something much, much more worth while.