This isn't the first blog I've created. It just so happens that I never posted on my other one and now I don't know what name or password I used when I signed up. Case in point: I can't use that one. This site seems much better anyways.
Anyways, today I was faced with a problem.. Lay around all day or go and fall on the icy Youngstown State University sidewalks. I of course chose to stay home. I accomplished a lot. I learned "Where do my bluebird fly?" by Tallest Man on Earth on guitar. Besides that I watched the movie "RED" while my girlfriend slept on the couch. Not only did she sleep, she drooled all over my shoulder, which was covered by a brand new sweater. Now I'm rocking a striped sweater that looks like it took a load on the arm.
Before my girlfriend went to work we got Antones and relaxed a bit.
After she left I picked up Assholes Finish First by Tucker Max and was once again impressed. His writing is nothing special, but the stories are nothing short of hilarious. I re-read a story today that he wrote about doing a clown crawl, i won't go into detail about his story, but it reminded me of a bar crawl that i did...
The Zombie Crawl
It's a new tradition of Youngstown and it is insanely fun. A couple hundred people show up at a cemetery downtown and get all zombie'd up. Blood squirts. dead looking makeup. tear some clothes. get a limp and forget how to speak English. only grunts and yells allowed. I went down with a few of my friends. Myself and two kids, Josh and Brian split a case of Arnold Palmer Hard's (we drank them because they were new and were completely aware that they are kind of gay) and for some reason josh had a $25 jug of paint thinner wine. Which we put in gatorade bottles and chugged while we were getting bloodied up. The crowd of hundred lined up and prepared itself for a mile long walk to the bars. On the way drunk zombies were yelling at kids and parents, trying to climb walls, and even attempting to stop oncoming traffic. They didn't pay attention to the list of rules we got, because number 7 was " Remember you are NOT actually dead so do NOT get in the way of moving vehicles." lucky for them the vehicle stopped moving. Throughout the night nothing that notable happened besides a ton of drinks, more drinks than usual. One noteworthy drink was a mixture of Dutch Caramel Vodka and White House Farm's Apple Cider, easily the drink of the night. I wasted $30 dollars on those alone. We end the night at a bar called precinct who's bar crawl special was a "zombie bomb" aka 151, cherry liquor, pineapple juice. We hadn't suspected 151 and all did a couple zombie bombs at last call. After the crawl came to an end our friend Josh, who likes to eat, decided we needed taco bell. Myself, Rocky, and Jake were in my car, following Katz's car who was also holding Ray and Josh. In the taco bell drive-thru a black cobalt (i agree gayest car for a male) cut off Katz's audi. Ray, who just had gotten back from the navy, was not having this. He got out of the car and yelled "You better back the fuck up." the kids replied with some smart comments, apparently underestimating the rage of drunk zombies, caused Ray to walk up and kick the passenger door of the car. Josh got out, who was dressed as a dead Cleveland Browns coach, and the driver of the cobalt yelled, "Browns suck." That is the worst thing you can say to Josh. He instantly flipped the switch from hungry and irritated to disgusted at the people inside the cobalt. Josh yells and swears in a way that nobody could make sense of. In the midst of the yelling a black girl comes up and yells at the top of her lungs, "First off go Browns, second off I WANT ME SOME FUCKIN TACOS IGHT?". It was then that i looked back and noticed about 8-10 cars wrapping around behind us. The two kids got out of the cobalt and said, "Listen you three, just quit your shit and let's get food because we don't want to hurt you." That was when I heard rocky speak up in the back of my car, he said, "three of us?" proceeded to climb out of the passenger window and let the two kids know that we had a second car of zombie power. The cobalt bitches would not quit their rant. Ray realized there was one thing to do, which was go and punch one of them. The passenger and driver jumped in the car before ray got to them. He hit the car and they hurried up and drove straight through the drive thru. Katz's car get food. My car ordered and when we pulled up to the cashier i said, "that was some crazy shit." and she replied, with what was the win of the night, " yeah it was but those two skinny dudes in the cobalt woulda got they asses handed to em by the other guys. they was way bigger." oh sweet success.
No comments:
Post a Comment